Sunday Soul

Ladies, know your worth. Know that you have strength and power. Know that you are a gift to those around you. Accept your beauty. Accept your flaws. Own up to your intelligence. I cannot tell you enough just how important this is. So often we forget just how precious we truly are. We are not objects one can own, but creatures that should be cherished. Sometimes we need to be reminded of this. We play so many roles and we get so busy that we neglect ourselves. We start to lose our way, compromise our needs, and settle instead of demanding what we want. I've been a victim of this myself. Just because I can get by without the best of the best doesn't mean that's acceptable. If we don't hold ourselves to a higher esteem, then how can we expect others to do so?


I came across this wonderful reminder from a beautiful spirit named Natalie Patterson and the folks at Soul Pancake and Darling Magazine. It's called 10 Things Every Female Should Know. You should definitely watch the entire video and every point is fantastic, but here are my top 3:

Learn to take a compliment. Settle into being the center of things.
Stop hiding your tampons. You are a woman. You bleed...
Do not apologize for being yourself. Apologize when you are not.

As we celebrate Women's History Month, know that you are a part of the story. What we are doing now will pave the way for our daughters, our nieces, and honorary kids. Our strength, humility, and gentleness will echo through generations. So it's important for you to remember that you are amazing. You are an extraordinary creature. There is no one exactly like you in the universe. Understand this, accept this, and believe it.

xoxo

For Little Girls Who Have Considered Giving Up

When it seems like the odds are never in your favor. Or when you don't see enough positive images of people like you, you want to give up. Throw in the towel. Call it quits. I get it. You have these big dreams of being somebody and making a difference, but others around tell you to be more realistic. How could someone like you looking like you do and being from where you are ever amount to anything? It's a mixture of ghetto and small town mentality. Because of your socio-economic and racial make-up, you aren't going to be anything more than what you see around you. That's as good as it gets and there's nothing wrong with that. Well, the devil is a lie. Need proof? Look no further than Oscar winner Lupita Nyong'o.

Her meteoric rise has been something legends are made of. After Lupita's loss at the Golden Globes, I had a gut feeling that this defeat wouldn't stop her. She's landed a Miu Miu campaign, graced the cover of tons of magazines, and become a celebrated fashion icon. This Kenyan beauty has racked up numerous accolades including Best Supporting Actress at the Screen Actors Guild Awards and the Independent Spirit Awards. Her speech at the Essence Black Women in Hollywood Luncheon was breathtaking, giving honor to all those black actressed who paved the way for her. Then her huge moment of triumph came last Sunday night at the Academy Awards when Lupita took home an Oscar for her work in '12 Years a Slave'. Her acceptance speech was powerful and tearjerking.


Lupita along with countless other women of color are making a way for you, for all of us. Casting directors and magazine editors are using her beauty as an example of what they want for upcoming roles and editorials. In the years to come there will be more gorgeous and uplifting images of women like us out there for little girls to see. And no one will be able to tell you that you can't make it because you're too this, too that, or not enough of whatever. Forget the steteotyopes and be the prototype for success. Thanks for the inspiration, Lupita.

Black Is Beautiful

We come in all shades. All complexions. Not one of us looks exactly alike. Different faces. Different bodies. But one thing's for sure... black is beautiful. I remember as a child when this particular month rolled around, my parents would go the extra mile to make sure I knew about our strong heritage. It was all about celebrating black firsts and black achievements. We talked about the things you didn't learn in school or that history books just skimmed over. When society is constantly showing you examples of black thugs and black welfare queens it's important for you to know that positive images of our people do exist, otherwise we will believe the BS propaganda that is put out there. Black History Month was the time that I discovered some of my favorite icons. Josephine Baker. Dorothy Dandridge. Beverly Johnson. Myrlie Evers-Williams. Diahann Carroll. Shirley Chisolm. Angela Davis. Don't forget the baddest Catwoman that's ever lived Eartha Kitt. The list is endless.

Before Beyonce, Lupita, Joan Smalls, or even Michelle Obama these were the women who inspired a generation. They were the firsts of their kind to break down barriers in television, film, music, and fashion. Ladies, they taught us how to be strong, intelligent, gorgeous, and resilient. The CIA once called Eartha Kitt "a sadistic nymphomaniac" and Angela Davis was on the FBI's most wanted list. Their beauty and power was so strong that it scared Mr. Joe Public. These femme fatales didn't back down from their natural callings or talent, they stood their ground. Can you imagine if any of them had rolled up into a little ball and caved in because of the harsh words and criticism? I'm so glad they didn't. Where would we be today without them? Lost. Take this month to celebrate these pioneers and visionaries. They paved the way for not only women of color, but for women around the world. Because if we don't rejoice in us who else will.

Speak out: Who are some of your black icons?

That's Miss Smarty Pants to You

There's a common misconception that models aren't that smart. We've got these stunning faces and nice bodies, but the lights aren't on upstairs. This is an awful stereotype that I want to shut down right now. It takes a really intelligent person to pose with a blank stare on her face. That's a challenge. Ok, but in all seriousness we are not just mindless mannequins. Some of us are actually smarter than the average bear. Did you know Cindy Crawford was the valedictorian of her high school and went on to attend Northwestern University with a major in chemical engineering before becoming a full-time supermodel? Brooke Shields stopped modeling to go to Princeton. Or take long-legged stunner Lyndsey Scott...

She's walked the runway for Victoria's Secret and done campaigns for Calvin Klein and DKNY but she's a major coder. She's got a great portfolio app for models so you won't have to carry around your huge book to castings. So savvy! In a recent profile by Pando Daily, Lyndsey admitted "The industry makes an effort to reduce the model and, in a way, simplify things. The way they marketed me a lot of times was as younger than I am. They wouldn’t talk about my education, they wouldn’t talk about me… In a way I understand. Youth is valued more than a college education."

These aren't tall tales or legends of beautiful women who are ridiculously intelligent. This is real. I'm friends with a model named Michelle who's studying mechanical engineering with a focus in robotics. For the past couple years this brainiac has been doing theoretical physics research and developing models for space sensors. I can't even fathom what the freak that all means. I applaud her for stepping away from the camera for a bit to study and purse this other dream. Keep at it.

Don't let fashion downplay your intelligence. You've worked really hard to acquire that level of knowledge. I'm not saying that you should be a show-off and challenge photographers to a game of Jeopardy. But don't allow people to talk down to you as if they're smarter than you. Be wise about the career decisions you make. Agents will sometimes encourage you to dumb yourself down to get more jobs. But your looks will only get you so far. I think models like Lyndsey Scott are a perfect example of how you can capitalize on both your appearance and your intelligence. Let them know you're a force to be reckoned with. Beauty + Brains = Power

Regroup. Rethink. Renew

Hello, butterflies! We're nearly a week into a new year. How are you feeling? Now that you've gotten over your hangover, it's time to get rid of your hangups. What's really keeping you from achieving your goals? Is it fear and uncertainty that's been plaguing your happiness? What about those naysayers that are constantly reminding you of your failures? I think you've been listening to the wrong voices for way too long. You think you're stuck and there's nowhere to go. Come on, baby. It's a brand new day. Let's throw all the ugliness out the door and start things off fresh.

Changing your outlook isn't easy. We all get stuck in a rut. This is when you regroup. Let's say close to the end of 2013 you were still sending out emails to modeling or commercial agencies trying to get representation. No luck. But you've been following all the rules from the agency's website about submissions, or so you thought. Shabby Polaroids in a generic email aren't going to get you what you want. Rethink your plan. When you're applying for a job, you don't just want to drop off your resume. You want to meet with a manager. You want that face to face time so that you can make an impression. Agencies don't just want to see a pretty person with great cheekbones. They wan't to see your personality. It's hard for that to shine through in a handful of bad photos. So stop hiding and let agents really see you.

Refresh and renew. Reignite that passion you once had when you first started this dream journey. I can sense that a fire's still burning inside you. Don't let it go out. Take control and let it spread. Go stand in the mirror. Look closely at who you are. Now grab a piece of paper or open a memo on your cell and write down exactly what you want out of your career and your life. Fall back in love with those lofty ideas. You can get there if you keep pushing. There's more to you than your hair color, eye color, height, bust, waist, hips and shoe size. No more half-stepping. Just leaps and bounds. Get back out there and reintroduce yourself as who you really are. You ready?!

Thankful

Photo by Stephanie Rausser

Enjoy all that life has given you. The joyous times, the greatness, and even the frustration. Cuz the sweet don't taste so good without the salty. Happy Thanksgiving!
Xoxo,
N

Inspiration Board

The wanderlust of summer is officially setting in. All I can think of is vacation, vacation, vacation. But until that actually happens, here's a little inspiration for all you kids with your head in the clouds...




Oh boy. I think it's time to get run away to an island. And since it's Throwback Thursday, you might also want to check out another inspiration board of mine that shares a similar theme. Enjoy!

That's The Spirit!

Life isn't a Sunday bike ride in the park. One day you're struggling to make it through castings, but then maybe the next day you're working nonstop. It's feast or famine. In the process of waiting for your big break, sometimes you can lose track of why you're doing this at all.

I've had my fair share of clouds and sunshine. At the beginning of the year, I was optimistic that I'd be working like crazy. I went out for auditions, and I got callbacks, but actually booking something was proving to be a challenge. Then my personal life started weighing down on my spirit. It felt as if no matter how many steps forward I'd make, I'd get knocked back so far... Like being first and goal, but not being able to convert that into a touchdown.

But even in the fog, you can see a silver lining. Even in the face of disappointment, there's always a little voice saying "You are unique. You are beautiful. You are talented." Finally the rough waves I'd been experiencing are starting to dissipate. Maybe it's the change in season, but I feel refreshed and ready to do this again. I just keep telling myself that no matter what hardships I'm dealing with, never stop trying. Never stop dreaming. You're going to make it, baby!

(Re)Discovery

Another day. Another year. Thank God we've made it! I'm sure by now some of us have already broken those New Year's resolutions to lose weight, eat healthy, and not spend so much money on clothes. I totally feel your pain. But maybe the reason those resolutions don't last too long is because they aren't realistic. You may genuinely want to do better for yourself, but you're going about it all wrong.

When making resolutions, many of us are a bit delusional. You can say that you're going to be the next Joan Smalls or Karlie Kloss. But if you're only 5'2 and already in your 30s, your chances are a little slim. The problem is that we set high standards for ourselves that we may never be able to achieve. Don't believe me, then let's look at the numbers.

• 45% of Americans make New Year's resolutions.
• 75% maintain resolutions through the first week
• 24% fail at their resolution each year
• 8% of people are successful in achieving resolutions

Ouch! Those stats are enough to make anyone throw in the towel. If you've already given up, then it's time for a brand new play book. First, you may need to get reacquainted with yourself. Think about who you are at this very moment. Then consider what drives you to get up and go everyday. Are you just going through the motions or are you passionate about what you do? Next...what's the difference between the real you and the aspirational you? Finally, what will it take for you to be the person you want to be?

Throughout this whole process you need to be completely honest with yourself. Don't stretch the truth. Also, try not to get overwhelmed. I've learned to set smaller goals instead of big lofty ones, because I know that I have a tendency to freak out when I've got too much on my plate. Also it's super important to have an awesome set of friends who encourage you every step of the way. No one wants a negative Nancy in their crew. Last but not least, believe in yourself. It's not just about hoping you can do it, it's about knowing that you are doing it. Speak your dreams into existence.

Now that we've had this little pep talk... are you ready? What life goals are you working on this year?

Makeovers & Motivation at Cola-Con

Sometimes when you give, you end up getting back more than you bargained for. Earlier this month I had the pleasure of being a special guest at Cola-Con, a hip hop and comic book convention. The organizers of the event invited me to not only speak on a panel about women in entertainment, but I was also able to do my own modeling workshop. I wanted to bring a bit of my world to Carolina... the glamour and the flashing lights. I wanted people from my home to be able to experience what I do everyday. Being creative brings me so much joy, and I want others to know how that feels. Each one teach one, you know. But I wasn't expecting that I'd get so much in return.

Going into this whole thing, I wasn't sure how many people would attend that were really interested in modeling and how many were just curious as to what we were doing. The workshop turned into more of a makeover session, and it was perfect. There were a couple of career women that needed a release from their regular work week, so we hooked them up. There was superstar singer Brittany Bosco who stopped by for support. I had a cute zookeeper come in for a glam session. Turns out her dad was a photographer so she already knew how to work the camera. Go 'head, girl!

A few days before the event, an old college buddy of mine emailed to ask if his 5-year-old daughter could come to the workshop. He mentioned that she was interested in acting and modeling and was hoping that I could at least meet her. I'm always a little funny about kids in this business, but I thought "why not". As soon as I saw little Gabby, I saw the light in her eyes and knew she needed to be at the workshop. The Paul Mitchell School team sat her down and went to work on her hair. We decided her hair should look fun and textured to go with her spunky personality. I wanted to make sure that Gabby's parents at least got a good headshot for her to start her career. And when she got in front of the camera, it was magic. She's such a little star!

One of my most rewarding moments was helping out a mom of two. She walked through the doors a little unsure about if she should stay or go. She wasn't into modeling, but I knew she was in the right place. The workshop was more of a pampering session for this hardworking mom. The Paul Mitchell School team gave her the royal treatment. She came in as this tired, frumpy person and left a glowing confident woman. Her transformation made me tear up. Now I know what Stacey and Clinton feel like on What Not To Wear.

So many thanks go out to the Paul Mitchell School for sharing their love of artistry with us. They worked wonders and I am so in debt to them. Thanks also to Michael Dantzler of Kayode Photo for all his hard work on the pictures. These people volunteered their time and talent out of the goodness of their hearts. Oh, and Preach Jacobs and the crew that put on Cola-Con, you guys should be honored for what you do for the artistic community in Columbia. Continue to nourish what others often neglect.

This is what happens when cool people come together for the greater good. No attitudes. No egos. Just love. Thank you for this and let's do this again soon.

XOXO


P.S. for more photos, click here.

Run, Fly, Soar!

On a Sunday morning a couple months ago, I woke up with this sense of clarity. I turned on my tv, flipped though the channels and stopped to watch a sermon. That's normally not my thing, but the message was just perfect for how I was feeling. Not long before this, I had been struggling with some difficult decisions. When I finally took my last stand, I cried like nobody's business. It was a mixture of sadness and relief, but ultimately electric relaxation prevailed.

To be completely honest, I decided to end a very long friendship with someone I love and adore. Details aren't necessary, because we've all felt that emptiness and confusion. But you've got to move forward and not dwell on the loss. Dealing with reality can suck, but forgetting it exists is worse.

So back to the tv evangelist... The sermon was called "Run Your Own Race". How fitting. Anyone that knows me knows that I'm more spiritual than religious. I believe in signs and divine intervention and all that. The preacher's words were definitely meant for me. He started off with a scripture that went a little like this "...let us run with endurance the race that is set before us..." I'm leaving some out, but I am sure you get the gist of it.

We all get caught up in the rat race and keeping up with the Joneses, but for what? We also end up living our lives for other people instead of satisfying our own personal goals. Somehow in my quest to make someone else happy, I'd neglected what I really want and who I am. Maybe not completely, but there was a part of me that was suffering on the inside. But I'm not bitter, because I have grown through my experience.

After watching the sermon, I promised that those past sins I'd committed against myself would never happen again. I can no longer live up to other people's expectations of me, I've got to do me. Because years from now when I look back on my life, I don't want to think about what I could have accomplished. I'd like to say

" Wow! Look at how high I soared."