Throwing Shade on Body Shaming

Nearly two weeks ago on #WCW or Women Crush Wednesday, I received an alert on Instagram. Someone tagged me in the comments section of a photo by up-and-coming songstress Justine Skye. She'd posted a picture of me (similar but not the one above) from the Jungle Gurl campaign I did years ago. I can't tell you word for word what Justine said, but she mentioned that she liked my body and I inspired her to workout. I was flattered. Minutes later when I decided to comment and say thanks for the love, I noticed other people's responses. While there were those comments that encouraged Justine and commended me on my physique, a lot of the other stuff I saw I didn't like. In the same breath that people were telling Justine she should be happy with her shape, they were shaming mine. Once again, this isn't verbatim, but things like She's too skinny - She ain't got no booty - She's not even in shape were in the mix. Talk about rude. Before I could take screenshot or even respond to the criticism, the photo disappeared.

Justine must have deleted it. With thousands of likes and tons of comments, I wondered why she'd gotten rid of the post. Perhaps the pressure on her was too heavy. Or what if she didn't want to deal with the naysayers. Maybe she couldn't take the heat, but I can. Justine Skye is a young, talented vocalists whose star is rising. She's just 18 years old and very impressionable. What others say about her music, her life, and what she likes probably means a lot to her. But just because she deleted the instagram photo doesn't mean the conversation is over. Hold up, let me put on my boxing gloves. It's about to get ugly.

Round 1 - If you don't have anything good to say, keep your mouth shut. Women are already self-conscious enough about our bodies. Some of us stand in the mirror and stare at our flaws. "If I could only get rid of these stretch marks." "My boobs sag." "My stomach isn't flat." We don't need you adding in your two cents too. What if we all walked around shouting out your shortcomings? Could you handle that? Ladies if you're guilty of this, I'm really disappointed in you. Did your mother not teach you any manners? It's enough that we have to deal with men verbally degrading our bodies, but we shouldn't have to fight our own sisters too.

Round 2 - Justine Skye has every right to admire someone else's body, and it does not mean that she doesn't love her own. There may be parts of her petite frame that she absolutely adores and others she wants to tone up. But that doesn't mean she's going to go under the knife to get her ideal physique. Come on! I may love J Lo's and Beyonce's booties, but who says I'm going to get a Brazilian Butt lift or injections to achieve that. Ok, I realize that some people will go to extremes, but if you notice someone you care about shifting in that direction offer encouragement. Don't knock another chick's body in your attempt to lift your friend up.

Round 3- I am a freaking human being too. Oh so because I'm a model or some person you don't know means it's ok for you to talk trash about my body. Hell no! If you want to ridicule me for my taste in music, my political views, or even the fact that I don't like ketchup, that's fine. But cutting me down because of my body, my hair texture, my race or the freckles on my face is completely unacceptable. Do you think I can help the way I look? Sure I can gain some weight, hit the gym, eat more carbs, get a fancy celebrity trainer, but I'm pretty sure that I'll still look like this. What you see is what I look like naturally. Flaws and all. I woke up like this! What gives you the right to judge me? What title do you hold that says it's ok to try and shame me? I am happy. I am healthy. I love my body. I get the feeling you can't say the same, and that's why you're trying to talk sh*t about mine.

TKO! Don't hate. Jealousy and envy will get you nowhere. You must think that the only way to bring yourself up is by cutting other people down. If that's the case, I doubt you'll ever be satisfied with that person you see in the mirror. Learn to love to yourself and accept your body. I know it's not easy, but surrounding yourself with good people and positive images will help. And for heaven's sake, keep your negativity to yourself. What goes around comes around, so say nice things about other women instead.

Sound off: Have you ever thrown shade on another woman's body to make yourself feel better?

Dear Fairy Model Mother: I'm Different

she doesn’t think she’s beautiful
because of a birthmark
that takes up a little less than half of her face
kids used to say she looks like a wrong answer
that someone tried to erase

I've always been a bit "different" from others. When I was a really little kid, I was shy and quiet. In all my pictures I did this sort of half nervous smile thing. It's as if I was already afraid of everyone because I knew what was coming. Once I hit elementary school, the taunting really started. With every new freckle on my face, the name-calling from other kids got worse. My book smarts and my complexion only added to make the situation worse. I knew that my mother and sister had gone through this before me, but I wasn't sure I could do it. My freckled light skin wasn't quite thick enough.

Other kids looked at me like I was an alien. I was tall and skinny with reddish hair and spots on my face. "Black people don't have freckles" or "you act like a white girl" were a few of the things I heard from my classmates. My mom encouraged me to keep up with my schoolwork, and if anyone hit me then I should hit them back and make sure it hurt. If things got too tough for me to handle, then I should tell my teacher. I eventually learned how to maneuver out of difficult situations. I just kept thinking what would Martin Luther King or Gandhi do? Over time, I collected a great group of friends who were just as different as me and who knew what it was like not to fit in. We were bright, outspoken, and didn't need anyone else's approval to know we were doing things right. I knew they had my back and they knew I had theirs.

Fast forward to a few weeks ago. I get this Facebook wall post from my friend who's a a teacher in Texas that reads "So glad I have a famous model friend I can use in my English lesson :)" She went on to explain "They are finishing a poem called 'To This Day,' and it's about kids being picked on. There is this one line that reads 'she doesn’t think she’s beautiful because of a birthmark that takes up a little less than half of her face. kids used to say she looks like a wrong answer that someone tried to erase.' So I'm using your Tyra Banks interview to show how beauty is different and how you're a super model even though people picked on you because of your freckles."

The tears immediately came flooding from my eyes. This friend and I had been through a lot together as teens. We'd both been teased for being "different" and I'd always admired her tenacity for calling someone out for being mean and wrong. The fact that she used my story as an example for her class is such an honor. If it hadn't been for good friends and supportive family, I wouldn't have made it through all the picking and bullying. Theirs were the voices that harmonized with my inner thoughts telling me it was okay to be me and that I'd keep on keeping on no matter what those naysayers said.


If you know a kid or even an adult that others are constantly teasing, stand beside that person and encourage them when no one else does. Let them know there is light in all the darkness. We are all human beings even if some of us look like we're from another planet. We all have insecurities and hangups, but that doesn't mean we should talk down to each other. I'm glad i had people who lifted me up when others were trying their darndest to keep me down. Thanks for that, friends. I wouldn't be where I am without you.

Dear Fairy Model Mother: How Do I Get Their Attention?

Hello lovelies! The first month in the new year is winding down. Yes! You've made it this far. This is a great time to reflect on your new year's resolutions and goals. Remember earlier when I wrote Regroup. Rethink. Renew? Let's go back to that and dig a little deeper. The idea for this came from a "vulnerable moment" from an aspiring model and actress named Karmin. Here's what she says: "I am trying so hard to attract the attention of agencies but haven't had any luck in a long time. I've literally applied to 22 agencies. I don't know what I'm doing wrong... I don't know if you'll read this, but if you have any advice, I'll take it! Thanks!"

Immediately after I got her message I reached out. Karmin explained that she'd landed a campaign through COACD that had her face on billboards around New York. How cool! She'd been sending out emails trying to get representation but without much if any response. This girl is just beautiful and I can't imagine any agency passing her up, but it happens. I immediately identified with Karmin because the same thing happened to me. I'd booked a major job that had me in magazines and ads, but I couldn't get an agent to save my life. What I learned is that you can't give up.

Keep working and pushing as if you're the hottest thing to happen since foamed milk. Set up test shoots with really awesome up-and-coming photographers. If any of them has a relationship with a good agency, have them put in a word for you. Attend fun events whether it's a party thrown by Nylon or a shopping event at Opening Ceremony that will allow you to network with some fashion insiders. You never know you might be rubbing elbows with the head booker of a really hip agency. And if that person checks your Tumblr or Instagram and sees you just shot with hot young photographer Kid So-and-So, you could just have a chance. Agencies want to know that you're the next big thing and that there's already a demand for you. If you create the hype, they will come.

Karmin has been working it a lot since we first touched bases. A few times a week I stalk her and see that she's constantly creating. (You can stalk Karmin here too.) Makes me so happy. She's generating her own buzz and soon she'll be on top of the world. Don't stop! Get it, get it!

As always, if you need a pep talk... I got you, boo. The Fairy Model Mother hotline is always open.

Everyday I'm hustlin'.

That's Miss Smarty Pants to You

There's a common misconception that models aren't that smart. We've got these stunning faces and nice bodies, but the lights aren't on upstairs. This is an awful stereotype that I want to shut down right now. It takes a really intelligent person to pose with a blank stare on her face. That's a challenge. Ok, but in all seriousness we are not just mindless mannequins. Some of us are actually smarter than the average bear. Did you know Cindy Crawford was the valedictorian of her high school and went on to attend Northwestern University with a major in chemical engineering before becoming a full-time supermodel? Brooke Shields stopped modeling to go to Princeton. Or take long-legged stunner Lyndsey Scott...

She's walked the runway for Victoria's Secret and done campaigns for Calvin Klein and DKNY but she's a major coder. She's got a great portfolio app for models so you won't have to carry around your huge book to castings. So savvy! In a recent profile by Pando Daily, Lyndsey admitted "The industry makes an effort to reduce the model and, in a way, simplify things. The way they marketed me a lot of times was as younger than I am. They wouldn’t talk about my education, they wouldn’t talk about me… In a way I understand. Youth is valued more than a college education."

These aren't tall tales or legends of beautiful women who are ridiculously intelligent. This is real. I'm friends with a model named Michelle who's studying mechanical engineering with a focus in robotics. For the past couple years this brainiac has been doing theoretical physics research and developing models for space sensors. I can't even fathom what the freak that all means. I applaud her for stepping away from the camera for a bit to study and purse this other dream. Keep at it.

Don't let fashion downplay your intelligence. You've worked really hard to acquire that level of knowledge. I'm not saying that you should be a show-off and challenge photographers to a game of Jeopardy. But don't allow people to talk down to you as if they're smarter than you. Be wise about the career decisions you make. Agents will sometimes encourage you to dumb yourself down to get more jobs. But your looks will only get you so far. I think models like Lyndsey Scott are a perfect example of how you can capitalize on both your appearance and your intelligence. Let them know you're a force to be reckoned with. Beauty + Brains = Power

Regroup. Rethink. Renew

Hello, butterflies! We're nearly a week into a new year. How are you feeling? Now that you've gotten over your hangover, it's time to get rid of your hangups. What's really keeping you from achieving your goals? Is it fear and uncertainty that's been plaguing your happiness? What about those naysayers that are constantly reminding you of your failures? I think you've been listening to the wrong voices for way too long. You think you're stuck and there's nowhere to go. Come on, baby. It's a brand new day. Let's throw all the ugliness out the door and start things off fresh.

Changing your outlook isn't easy. We all get stuck in a rut. This is when you regroup. Let's say close to the end of 2013 you were still sending out emails to modeling or commercial agencies trying to get representation. No luck. But you've been following all the rules from the agency's website about submissions, or so you thought. Shabby Polaroids in a generic email aren't going to get you what you want. Rethink your plan. When you're applying for a job, you don't just want to drop off your resume. You want to meet with a manager. You want that face to face time so that you can make an impression. Agencies don't just want to see a pretty person with great cheekbones. They wan't to see your personality. It's hard for that to shine through in a handful of bad photos. So stop hiding and let agents really see you.

Refresh and renew. Reignite that passion you once had when you first started this dream journey. I can sense that a fire's still burning inside you. Don't let it go out. Take control and let it spread. Go stand in the mirror. Look closely at who you are. Now grab a piece of paper or open a memo on your cell and write down exactly what you want out of your career and your life. Fall back in love with those lofty ideas. You can get there if you keep pushing. There's more to you than your hair color, eye color, height, bust, waist, hips and shoe size. No more half-stepping. Just leaps and bounds. Get back out there and reintroduce yourself as who you really are. You ready?!

Dear Fairy Model Mother: Can I Really Have It All?

Last night I was watching television and happened to stop on the new Sarah Silverman comedy special We Are All Miracles. Normally, she doesn't exactly do it for me but I admire her talent and hutzpah. Sarah said something that really struck a chord. "Stop telling girls they can be anything they want when they grow up." Huh? I thought about it for a second and instantly thought of the Instagram photo of Gisele taken earlier this week. She's fresh off a flight, getting prepped for a shoot, and breastfeeding at the same time. What a multitasker. Gisele caught some flack for the photo. Honestly when I saw it I was mad too. Damn her for looking so good! People were appauled that Gisele dare show herself breastfeeding her child. But why the heck not? Anyway, it got me to think about what an image like this symbolizes...The American Dream.

Society sells us the idea of being able to achieve your hearts desire, but rarely does it believe it's possible, especially for women. We are often forced to choose between family and career, responsibility and free will, and beauty versus intelligence. Let's not forget that time is also against us. Popular culture glorifies the carefree party girl who only lives for today, not the witty 30-something known for her smarts and ability to juggle work and family life.

Getting back to Sarah Silverman's joke about telling little girls they can do anything they want when they get older. "I think it’s a mistake,” she continues, “not because they can’t, but because it would’ve never occurred to them they couldn’t." I get it. Instead of the statement inspiring little women to aim higher, it puts that ounce of doubt in their minds that maybe the dream isn't possible to achieve. If some long, lanky awkard teen told you that she wanted to be a supermodel, a successful business woman, marry a football player and have a family, you'd probably laugh. You'd pat her on the shoulder and say "you can do whatever you want, sweetheart." Well guess what? That's Gisele's life. That's real.

Well I'm here to tell you that you can have it all. You shouldn't have to choose between the things you love. You should never think that it's too late to try something new. In your busy schedule, you can fit in whatever you want. Be a great working mom and still have time for yourself. Go back to school and get your law degree. After getting fired from your previous job because your co-workers were jealous of your talent, start your own consulting business. You can even get signed to a major modeling agency when the naysayers are saying you're too old or you need to lose weight. IMG Models is signing people like you right now. So stop questioning, doubting, and waiting and start doing. You really can have it all if you just believe.

Dear Fairy Model Mother: My Booker Got the Boot?!

From the Pirelli Calendar 2014

Boy, oh boy. The past few months have been a doozy. Makeups to breakups. Here's the rundown... I got word that a booker from one of my agencies was calling it quits. Of course I was disappointed because this was a person I'd come to know and trust over the years. Some weeks later quite unexpectedly, I got an email from another agent stating "Today will be my last day at..." Whoa! I was already dealing with separation anxiety from the previous and now this. As if things couldn't get any worse, another agent bites the dust. My commercial booker at the agency threw in the towel. And this was someone who was actually get me and so many other girls solid work. What the ?! I felt like I'd just broken up with my boyfriend three times over. My fellow models and I were all freaking out. Why did this happen? Who's going to represent us? Are we getting the boot next?

If you're not understanding why losing your booker is such a travesty, let me break it down to you. Your booker is by far your best friend at the agency. He or she is the one you should really suck up to. Why? They get you work! They are the ones who pimp you out and blow you up so clients will work with you. Bookers are the ones who will negotiate on your behalf and get you a higher rate for a job. They are also the ones who will blacklist you if you act the fool on a job or misrepresent the agency. When a booker leaves an agency, there's a big shake up in the company. Models start to leave. Girls get dropped. It's just like any corporate job when there's new management. Your position is at risk.

What can you do in this situation? Reach out to the necessary parties immediately. Email the head of your agency for a meeting so you can figure out your future there. Call your now-former booker to chat and get some insider info. Where is he or she going now? Can they take you along? Or can they put in a good word for you somewhere else? Before you make any moves, don't forget to check your contract if you have one. Whatever you do, don't burn any bridges. You want to maintain a good relationship with everyone involved. You never know when you'll need their help in the future. But in the end, this is a business and you want to continue working with whomever is going to get you work. But don't ever think that just because you agent is calling it quits that you should too. If this is what you love to do and you're good at it, keep going. Don't let a change of guard slow you down.

As always, if you have any questions about modeling, the hotline is open. Keep believing in yourselves, lovelies!

Dear Fairy Model Mother: I Don't Know What Else To Do

Hello lovelies! As the summer sun begins to set we are once again approaching a new season. We often spend this time reflecting on our careers and passions. Are you where you want to be? Is there something you've been wanting to do, but haven't had the guts to do it? Or are you giving up? I talked about this recently, but the subject has presented itself again. This question comes from a recent college grad who's looking to get her master's degree in film, but still dreaming of modeling...

Here's what she has to say:
"I try out for things in the area (Virginia) but I've been unsuccessful even for local things. I've submitted my photos to modeling agencies in New York and visited them when I was in my teens but still NO LUCK! I even went to agencies when I was in Milan and still no luck. I don't know what else to do! I've tried every avenue. I've retaken professional photos and resubmitted to agencies. I was thinking to try out ProScouts convention in Philly but it's $700. So long story short, what do you think? Do you have any suggestions? I really feel that I have to find someone who wants to take me on but first I have to get an agency...which proves to be very difficult.
Thanks in advance,
Abby"

Dear Abby,
Your perseverance is amazing. When faced with rejection and disappointment, you've managed to keep on going. Now you're at a crossroads where you're choosing between the logical and the crazy. But why can't those two come together? You've been working hard, but it's time to work smart. I don't know you measurements or height, but I do know you have a passion for fashion and have studied communications. Girl, become a fashion blogger! You've got the training to create your own content. If you do it well, then you'll generate your own buzz and attract the attention of the right people (agents, brands, etc). You'll get where you want to be, but you'll get there following a different path than you'd imagined. Also, don't forget there are different types of modeling. You may not be high fashion, but there's also lifestyle and catalogues...and commercial acting. Abby, you're thinking about studying film and television commercials totally makes sense to me. Explore those options. Don't ignore all of your talents and use those to get what you want. You've got a beautiful spirit and I want to see you soar!

If you think you've tried everything, think outside the box and try a different approach. Just keep believing, darlings. If you have any questions or you need an extra push, your Fairy Model Mother's here.

xoxo

Bottle Rocket

photograph by Ward Robinson

This goes out to all the firestarters who feel like they're losing their spark. The wild girls and boys who can make every photo look iconic. You see them in a campaign or on a catalogue and think "I want to be that chick." Unlike the glamazons from fashion's golden years, these young ones don't follow anyone's rules. They slouch, they smoke, they make ugly faces but they still look freaking awesome!

So I know that every now and then you hit a slump. Your agent isn't calling as much. Clients who used to be your biggest fans start to lose their enthusiasm for your antics. Your crazy personal life begins to wreak havoc on your career. And to make matters worse, your bank account is in the red. You're ready to give up and say f*ck this. A normal life with your family and friends back home is looking pretty good. The thing is... that's not what you really want.

Come on, kid. Life's tough, but you're tougher. You're the one others envy. They want what you have. All those billboards and tearsheets you've racked up. All the runways you've walked. You are one bad mutha-shut-yo-mouth! So man up, strap on your boots and start kickin' some ass again. Light it up!

Dear Fairy Model Mother: What's up With All the Agent Fees?

GQ India March 2013

Hello lovelies! It's your guardian angel here for your monthly dose of advice. I really appreciate all of your emails and I'm doing my best to get around to them. This question comes from a working model who's been thinking about switching representation. She met with an agency I'm familiar with who's interested in signing the beauty. The main booker gave her a contract to consider and upon further examination she said:

"I was reading over it and started thinking, they have alot of financial obligations...like $300 a year for a modeling website, 100 zed cards (which I'm not sure who even uses those anymore), new headshots from test photographers for $250-450! Almost seems kinda scamy...am I crazy??"

You guys already know I hate dealing with contracts. It seems like they are only designed to benefit one party and not the other, but it's a necessary working agreement. In order to get to the bottom of this, I pulled out every modeling contract I have. From my experience, somewhere in every agreement there exists a clause about expenses. One contract of mine states "Model understands that Agency will deduct 20% commissions as well as any expenses and/or reimbursements to the Agency." Another goes into further detail and lays out the deductions including comp card printing, courier charges, website fees, attorney fees, etc.

You would think that all these expenses would be included in the agent's commission for the jobs you book, but it's not. Your reps will argue that in order to properly market you, they need all of this stuff. This may be true. Maintaining your online portfolio and promotional materials takes money. The agency will front these expenses for you knowing they'll get it back somehow. Keep in mind you should never be charged up front for comp cards, test shoots, and the like. These get billed to you later or deducted from your checks. When you receive payment, the accounting department should itemize all of your expenses. And guess what? When you're doing your taxes later, you can write these expenses off.

Is this practice shady? Not really. Wouldn't you rather know exactly what you're paying for instead of getting a surprise later. But if you're feeling like it's risky business, you've got options. You can amend the contract and state that certain expenses must go through your approval beforehand or that you'd rather pay for them yourself. For example: I opted out of getting a portfolio printed and instead I have my book on my iPad, saving probably $200. What you have to remember is that you have control over this situation because in the end it's your money and your career on the line. Best of luck!

As always, if you've got any questions or you need a bit of advice, the Fairy Model Mother hotline is always open.

Dear Fairy Model Mother: I Think I Can, I Think I Can

Hello lovelies! It's Monday, and I figured a little motivation to get through this day is just what the doctor ordered. Over the two years or so I've been in touch with one super cute aspiring model named J. She's a skinny little thing with a great face and a will to do what needs to be done to get where she wants to go. But on the road to self discovery and fulfillment, we all hit roadblocks. Here's her story...

"I came all the way from Alabama where I spent 23 and a half years of my life living to pursue my dreams in Cali, a land I've never known. I said surely I will have my dream job in Graphic Design within the first months and I would be modeling with you. So, I have pretty much sacrificed what I knew as life," she explained to me a couple of summers ago. Even though we didn't really know each other, I was cheering for her and she was cheering for me.

J. did eventually get a job in graphic design, but she didn't like it. She tried to stick it out, but was fighting against her true desires. Her heart still wanted to model. This PYT took a few odd jobs here and there to pay the bills and did background acting work while continuing to look for modeling representation. That task proved to be even harder. After a number of disappointments, J. switched gears and began focusing on normal work again.

"I ask myself the question is it worth it? Should I pack my bags and experiences and head back to my comfort zone, the south?" she explains in a message to me. "Yes, I could do this, but I won't have the platform or the opportunities that are here to even try to be that person that I keep feeling God is rooting for me to be."

So J. stepped up her game early last fall after taking some time off to reevaluate her situation. Now she's meeting with agencies and getting great feedback. Every week she goes out to castings, does test shoots, and is consistently working on her craft. I know she's got what it takes and so does she. Don't get discouraged, darlings. The world can seem like such a cruel place that's only out to bring you down, but if you believe you can do it nothing can stop you. Have a little faith and keep on pushing. As always, if you have any questions or you need a little pep talk, the Fairy Model Mother hotline is always open.

Dear Fairy Model Mother: How Do I Call My Agency Out on Its Bullsh*t?

A few months ago I was on an epic road trip with a group of really awesome models. We had hours and hours of time to waste, so of course we talked shop. One of the girls mentioned she'd been having issues with her agency. She'd been working with them for a while without a contract. At first her agents were getting her good work, then it just stopped. In the past months, she had booked her own jobs. And get this, her agency still wanted a cut of what she was making. Excuse me?!

Let it be known that I'm a little leery of agencies and their ways. The hidden fees and expenses. The sneaky clauses in contracts. It gives me the heebie jeebies. So when this model started telling me about her whoas, I was immediately like "Girl, stand up for yourself!" If you and your representation don't have a binding agreement, then they have absolutely no business trying to take commission for something they did not book you on. I told her that it would be in her best interest to politely call her agency out on its bullsh*t.

After our conversation, Ms. Model decided to take action. Before having a talk with her agents, she did some leg work of her own. She compared how long she'd been with them, how many jobs they had gotten her, and then how many jobs she had gotten all by herself. Upon my suggestion, she then approached her agents with her concern and basically asked them "what can I do to make sure that I'm getting more work?" Here's where a model has to get a little sneaky. You just called your reps out, so be prepared for the backlash. Start looking for another agency like now! So my friend did just that. I got her in with another model agency outside of Cali so she can travel. But if the work for her is slow in LA, her agents here should have been trying to get her placed in other markets so they can still make money off her. Duh!

This whole ordeal is like a game of chess or poker even. Everything is strategic. You make a move to call your agents on their bluff. They make a move to either regain your trust or set you up for failure. Well, my friend's agency did something that was just down right sheisty. They agency signed a contract with her new reps in another market as if they were her mother agency entitling them to a percentage of her earnings without doing any legwork at all. Oh no! This smart model called them out on it and then presented her agents with a list of demands. In response the LA agency dropped her from their roster. In the breakup email, her booker said this:

"We’ve hit a wall. We just don’t get a response on you... we all love and care about you, but professionally, we just can’t get any traction and have to cut ties."
What the freak! Once again, this is crap. How is it that this model is getting all this work on her own, but her agents are having trouble finding her jobs. That agency just wasn't trying hard enough. Bullsh*t! In the spirit of getting even, newly-free agent model booked an awesome editorial on her own the very next day. Take that.

The lesson to be learned here is to believe in yourself and keep it pushing. If your so called reps aren't doing their job and are giving you the run-around, don't believe the hype. You know what you are capable of, it's just a matter of finding the right team to push you to the next level. On your wait out the door, don't slam it. Try not to burn any bridges because you never know what you might encounter in the future. But there are bigger and better things just around the corner and you know it's true. Like Jay Z said...On to the next one.

Watch Out For That... Runway

Ooo, girl! All dressed up for a fashion show. You've got on a hot dress and super high heels. Your hair's all done. Makeup looks great. The lights dim. The music starts. It's time for you to hit that catwalk. You take your first few steps and you notice the audience whispering and examining your outfit approvingly. You've got their attention so you really start strutting. Head up. Shoulders back. And then... SPLAT!

This was the case a few days ago at a show during Nigerian Fashion Week. As she was walking down the runway, Sudanese-Egyptian model Amal Contran tripped and busted her butt. Not pretty. The photos are quite entertaining. I mean, Amal really takes flight. She looks like she's going up for a dunk. Poor girl.

Taking a fall like that in front of hundreds of people is ridiculously embarassing. Every model has experienced a tiny stumble or trip, yet we always try to recover quickly without anyone noticing. But a fumble that big, gets seen around the world. Congrats, Amal. Not only does everyone know your name, but you have officially joined the sisterhood of models who fall at fashion shows.

Let this serve as a reminder that we all have bad days. Even when it comes to the things we do well, we're not perfect. Take a cue from supermodel Naomi Campbell who's had her own runway catastrophes. When you fall flat on your ass, do it with grace and laugh it off. You may be on the floor, but you'll still be on top of your game.

That's The Spirit!

Life isn't a Sunday bike ride in the park. One day you're struggling to make it through castings, but then maybe the next day you're working nonstop. It's feast or famine. In the process of waiting for your big break, sometimes you can lose track of why you're doing this at all.

I've had my fair share of clouds and sunshine. At the beginning of the year, I was optimistic that I'd be working like crazy. I went out for auditions, and I got callbacks, but actually booking something was proving to be a challenge. Then my personal life started weighing down on my spirit. It felt as if no matter how many steps forward I'd make, I'd get knocked back so far... Like being first and goal, but not being able to convert that into a touchdown.

But even in the fog, you can see a silver lining. Even in the face of disappointment, there's always a little voice saying "You are unique. You are beautiful. You are talented." Finally the rough waves I'd been experiencing are starting to dissipate. Maybe it's the change in season, but I feel refreshed and ready to do this again. I just keep telling myself that no matter what hardships I'm dealing with, never stop trying. Never stop dreaming. You're going to make it, baby!

Dear Fairy Model Mother: Should I Get Back In the Game?

Hello, lovelies! How's life? Lately I've been running into a lot of old friends that I haven't seen in a while at castings and auditions. It's so awesome to see a familiar face when you walk into a casting office. It really puts me at ease. Anyway, a week ago I ran into a breathtakingly hot model-actor guy I've known for years. We're chatting and he says "You know, I stopped modeling over a year ago. I don't even have a print agent anymore." I'm sorry. Say what?! How is it that this super-talented, drop-dead gorgeous man who's done countless campaigns and commercials doesn't have print representation! Obviously, there's more to this...

After hearing my friend utter these words, I was floored. He explained that he'd been represented in all the major markets and done his fair share of traveling. But after being in the business for a bit, he started to grow weary. Modeling for him was a no-brainer. He could do it in his sleep. My boy longed for a challenge. He's a not just a pretty face, but a great musician and a legit actor. One day while on contract in Miami, he had an epiphany. It was literally that "What the f*** am I doing with my life" moment. So he pulled the plug on his modeling career.

I totally get it. When you need a change, you have to do it. But here's my thing, if you've got the look then you should always have someone out there making deals on your behalf. Even if modeling isn't something you want to do full time anymore, having an agent doesn't hurt your situation... it makes things better. I really feel like as a model who knows how the game is played, the longer you stay in it the more control you have over your career. You can tell your agent you only want direct bookings or specify the clients you want to work with. And that's exactly what I told my friend. To be more specific, I told him that any agent would be crazy not to represent him. The ball is in his court. He's totally bankable.

Don't waste your talents, darlings. Cash in. As always... if you need any advice, your Fairy Model Mother is here. Just drop me a line, and I've got you!

Dear Fairy Model Mother: How Do I Avoid a $3.3 Million Lawsuit?

Hello lovelies! Happy Friday. The sun is shining. The birds are chirping. It feels like wonderful things are just around the corner. But everything isn't ok for one beautiful model. Just when her future seemed so bright, the gray skies start rolling in. Earlier this week, blonde cutie Constance Jablonski was hit with a $3.3 million bomb from her old agency for breach of contract. Burn baby, burn! Talk about a bad divorce. So, what's the real deal behind the hefty price tag? Let's investigate.
In 2008, a young "virtually unknown" Constance Jablonski signed with Marilyn Model Management. A few years later, her pretty face lands her work for Estee Lauder, Dior and Victoria's Secret. The getting's good, so Constance extends her contract with Marilyn through September 2014.  She's making bank raking in nearly $5 million dollars and Marilyn gets its 20 percent cut. But somewhere down the line the milk went sour, and Constance decided to jump ship and go to DNA Models. Now Marilyn is ticked, and is suing for tons of dough and asking for an injunction banning DNA from representing Constance.

Models switch agencies all the time, so it's no surprise that Constance would do the same. But with her lucrative campaign deals, she's hitting her old agency where it hurts the most. Constance was a big investment that really paid off. So losing her from the roster means losing literally millions. Marilyn Models did the leg work of developing her and getting her name out there, but DNA will reap the benefits.



In response to the lawsuit, Jablonski posted this comment on twitter: “With a New Year comes new beginnings. After my bookers, many of those I began with at Marilyn and my dearest Marilyn Gaultier left the agency this past year, I decided to move on to DNA. I’m very excited with the move and I hope you are too!! Wishing all my friends from Marilyn all the best with their new beginnings. Thank you to all of you followers and fans, for always supporting me!!”

Obviously, Constance Jablonski is doing what she feels is best for her career. I totally understand. But her old agency feels like she's biting the hand that fed her. Marilyn was counting on making money off her for well over another year, so the agency is also suing for future earnings. No wonder I have a contract phobia. So how do these situations get handled? After consulting with a friend and mentor here's what will most likely happen: If Constance has a good lawyer, the parties will settle out of court. The agencies will probably end up splitting the commission for a period of time so that Marilyn's losses are covered. 

We may not all be high earning supermodels, but there's a lesson you can learn from this. Read your contracts carefully. You may not know what the future will hold, but you've still got to prepare for it. Think of your modeling contract as a pre-nuptial agreement. Make sure there's an exit clause that guarantees you won't get screwed.  So you've got to protect your neck and make sure your pretty little butt is covered in case of emergency. Like Biggie said "More money more problems."

Remember dears, if you've got questions I've got answers. Your Fairy Model Mother will waive her wand and sprinkle a little fairy dust on your problems. The hotline is always open. 

(Re)Discovery

Another day. Another year. Thank God we've made it! I'm sure by now some of us have already broken those New Year's resolutions to lose weight, eat healthy, and not spend so much money on clothes. I totally feel your pain. But maybe the reason those resolutions don't last too long is because they aren't realistic. You may genuinely want to do better for yourself, but you're going about it all wrong.

When making resolutions, many of us are a bit delusional. You can say that you're going to be the next Joan Smalls or Karlie Kloss. But if you're only 5'2 and already in your 30s, your chances are a little slim. The problem is that we set high standards for ourselves that we may never be able to achieve. Don't believe me, then let's look at the numbers.

• 45% of Americans make New Year's resolutions.
• 75% maintain resolutions through the first week
• 24% fail at their resolution each year
• 8% of people are successful in achieving resolutions

Ouch! Those stats are enough to make anyone throw in the towel. If you've already given up, then it's time for a brand new play book. First, you may need to get reacquainted with yourself. Think about who you are at this very moment. Then consider what drives you to get up and go everyday. Are you just going through the motions or are you passionate about what you do? Next...what's the difference between the real you and the aspirational you? Finally, what will it take for you to be the person you want to be?

Throughout this whole process you need to be completely honest with yourself. Don't stretch the truth. Also, try not to get overwhelmed. I've learned to set smaller goals instead of big lofty ones, because I know that I have a tendency to freak out when I've got too much on my plate. Also it's super important to have an awesome set of friends who encourage you every step of the way. No one wants a negative Nancy in their crew. Last but not least, believe in yourself. It's not just about hoping you can do it, it's about knowing that you are doing it. Speak your dreams into existence.

Now that we've had this little pep talk... are you ready? What life goals are you working on this year?

Blank Like Bond

Dashing. Charming. Sexy. Three words that I use to describe one man who's style has captured the hearts of moviegoers for 50 years. I'm talking about Bond, James Bond. This British secret agent is who men imagine they could be with his witty one-liners and dangerous escapades. When I was was trying to think of topics for this month's column, I would've ended up writing about being a male model. Well, you can watch Zoolander for that one. So let's take a departure from the usual Blank Like A Model and live like Bond.

Oh James Bond. Your immaculate sex appeal. Your fantastic suits. Your taste for suspense. I just can't get enough of you. Daniel Craig's 007 is truly a complex character that battles many personal demons but still manages to look fly doing it. Besides the fact that his life is constantly at risk, why wouldn't you want to be this dude? After ooing and aahing my way through the new movie Skyfall, I came up with a few simple rules so that you too can be a debonair super agent.

1. Make An Entrance - When James Bond walks into a room people notice. He doesn't have to announce himself, but all eyes are on him. Even if he crashes through a door or a train, he dusts himself off and keeps it moving. Push aside that social anxiety. The key to making an entrance is confidence. Let it breathe through your pores and let everyone catch a whiff.

2. Dress for the Occasion - 007 never looks shabby. For goodness sake, the man wears suits while chasing bad guys. He puts on a tux and ends up dodging fists and bullets. He's not afraid to get his clothes dirty. Daniel Craig's Bond sports menswear that moves with his body. Every thread looks and feels like it was tailored especially for him, and it was. In fact, Bond's suits for Skyfall were designed by none other than Mr. Sexy himself Tom Ford. Swoon. The lesson to be learned here is that if you're wearing anything by Tom Ford, you're always dressed for the occasion.

3. Accessorize - Maybe it's a gun that only fires to his touch or even a classic roadster to speed around town. Bond is never without his shiny toys. He finds the right watch or pocket square to complement his look. Bond never over-blings. When you're a secret agent, you can't be too flashy but you've got to fit in with your surroundings. So no huge gold chains or diamond rings. Remember, don't let the accessories wear you. You wear the accessories.

4. Mix Business with Pleasure - James Bond is a ladies' man who works hard and plays hard too. Somehow in his busy schedule (pronounced shhedule), he makes time for the occasional romantic rendevous. Who cares if the chick is working for the enemy. Bond is a player. As long as he doesn't get too emotionally attached, he's good. The trick to this game, as long as there's mutual respect you have nothing to worry about... unless of course someone gets killed.

5. Be Cool - Have you ever seen Bond break under pressure? Sure, he's an emotional guy who's lost the love of his life and even come back from the dead, but you've never really seen him lose his cool. Even with his hands tied behind his back with a gun pointed in his face, 007 keeps it together. How does he do it? This all goes back to confidence. If you act like you've got a lot on the line and something to lose, you will lose. But if you live like tomorrow isn't promised to you and nothing matters but that moment, you'll break out of those ropes a true champion.

Alright, my little secret agents. You've got the rules of engagement. Now go conquer your own adventures.
Style + Risk + Confidence = 007

Dear Fairy Model Mother: Follow My Head or My Heart?

Photo by Jake Merrill
There's a line in the movie A Bronx Tale that goes a something like this: "The saddest thing in life is wasted talent, and the choices that you make will shape your life forever." I was reminded of this while having a serious conversation with one of my best guy friends. He was in quite a predicament. On one hand there's this great professional opportunity and on the other his natural talent. It's a super tough decision, so which do you go for? Do you follow your head or your heart?

Here's the back story. My friend was a marketing major in college. He's an idea guy who knows how to get things done and also has a way with words. He's great at it, but he's an even better model. He's the dude who just wakes up looking photogenic even with the crust still in his eyes. After graduating, he continued to juggle modeling while still working in marketing. One day the modeling gigs slowed down and he was offered a great position at a marketing company, so he took it.

Everything was fine until his agency started calling him again. On his lunch break, he'd sneak off to castings. Like Clark Kent changing into Superman, he'd transform into sexy male model with the quickness and return back to work just a normal guy. The whole time, the people at his marketing company had no idea he's a model. The situation got even worse when he began booking big jobs. He was running out of sick days and reasons why he couldn't come into the office. Jump to a co-worker seeing his face in a commercial and on a billboard. The cat's officially out of the bag.

My personal opinion: men seem to have an especially difficult time in these situations. They are taught that they are supposed to lead the way and bring home the bacon. Logically, the marketing job is a good choice. The income is reliable and the schedule is predictable. Modeling is a gamble. You never know when you're booking anything and when you'll actually get paid. What advice did I give my boy? Go with your heart. Even though he's good at marketing, modeling is where his passion is. You can hear the difference in the way he talks about his 9 to 5 compared to how excited he gets when talking about a gig he just shot. An office job is something you can always come back to, but with modeling and anything super creative you've got to ride the train while you still have the hutzpah to do it. Balls to the wall.

Sometimes going with your gut is the only way to fly. Don't waste your talent. You may never recover from that loss. Good luck, my man. As always, if you have any questions the Fairy Model Mother hotline is always open.

Makeovers & Motivation at Cola-Con

Sometimes when you give, you end up getting back more than you bargained for. Earlier this month I had the pleasure of being a special guest at Cola-Con, a hip hop and comic book convention. The organizers of the event invited me to not only speak on a panel about women in entertainment, but I was also able to do my own modeling workshop. I wanted to bring a bit of my world to Carolina... the glamour and the flashing lights. I wanted people from my home to be able to experience what I do everyday. Being creative brings me so much joy, and I want others to know how that feels. Each one teach one, you know. But I wasn't expecting that I'd get so much in return.

Going into this whole thing, I wasn't sure how many people would attend that were really interested in modeling and how many were just curious as to what we were doing. The workshop turned into more of a makeover session, and it was perfect. There were a couple of career women that needed a release from their regular work week, so we hooked them up. There was superstar singer Brittany Bosco who stopped by for support. I had a cute zookeeper come in for a glam session. Turns out her dad was a photographer so she already knew how to work the camera. Go 'head, girl!

A few days before the event, an old college buddy of mine emailed to ask if his 5-year-old daughter could come to the workshop. He mentioned that she was interested in acting and modeling and was hoping that I could at least meet her. I'm always a little funny about kids in this business, but I thought "why not". As soon as I saw little Gabby, I saw the light in her eyes and knew she needed to be at the workshop. The Paul Mitchell School team sat her down and went to work on her hair. We decided her hair should look fun and textured to go with her spunky personality. I wanted to make sure that Gabby's parents at least got a good headshot for her to start her career. And when she got in front of the camera, it was magic. She's such a little star!

One of my most rewarding moments was helping out a mom of two. She walked through the doors a little unsure about if she should stay or go. She wasn't into modeling, but I knew she was in the right place. The workshop was more of a pampering session for this hardworking mom. The Paul Mitchell School team gave her the royal treatment. She came in as this tired, frumpy person and left a glowing confident woman. Her transformation made me tear up. Now I know what Stacey and Clinton feel like on What Not To Wear.

So many thanks go out to the Paul Mitchell School for sharing their love of artistry with us. They worked wonders and I am so in debt to them. Thanks also to Michael Dantzler of Kayode Photo for all his hard work on the pictures. These people volunteered their time and talent out of the goodness of their hearts. Oh, and Preach Jacobs and the crew that put on Cola-Con, you guys should be honored for what you do for the artistic community in Columbia. Continue to nourish what others often neglect.

This is what happens when cool people come together for the greater good. No attitudes. No egos. Just love. Thank you for this and let's do this again soon.

XOXO


P.S. for more photos, click here.